I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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