I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
