an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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