i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
