This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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