Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
