My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize