Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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