I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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