She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
