I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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