im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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