there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
