Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
