i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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