Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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