It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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