go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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