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I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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