I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
