I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
