So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
