So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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