when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
