If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
