i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
worst night to have a conscience
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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