guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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