i just google imaged poop.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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