i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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