I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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