His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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