that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
