He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
