i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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