Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
