i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
