So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
