Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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