I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
