i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
