anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
