Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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