dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
