if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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