I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
