I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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