did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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