On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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