I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
