I hate all girls vehemently.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
