Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Soap is not a condiment
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
