take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
