The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
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Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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