You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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