Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
