After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
