Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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