Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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