ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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