I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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