Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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