break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
