You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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